DOVES

TIPS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS

Some signs and symptoms that a relative might be involved in a violent relationship:

Visits with family are rare - there is usually an excuse why "we can't make it."
Visits are hurried - they arrive late and leave early
You get the feeling that they don't want to see you anymore
When visiting, the spouse seems to spend a lot of time hovering over your relative
If your relative comes to visit by herself, she makes frequent and whispered phone calls home during the visit
Relative seems to have frequent accidents and illnesses
Relative wears clothes with long sleeves, high necks, long skirts, etc., even in warm weather.
Relative often says things like "Joe doesn't like that," "Joe doesn't want that," "Joe doesn't agree with..."
Relative seems to be having constant money problems
Relative seems reluctant to talk about anything personal or her family life

What you can do:

Encourage them to talk
Let them know it's not their fault - they don't deserve it
Let them know that you will always love them
Encourage them to call their local hotline
Encourage them to seek professional counseling
Listen, listen, listen, and encourage, encourage, encourage
Let them know that they can't change the spouse, no matter what they do
Let them know that they can't fix it
Let them know it's not their fault
Don't loan large sums of money...it just keeps the situation going, and builds resentment and hard feelings
Don't get impatient or frustrated...its sometimes takes months or years before an abused person leaves

If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please do not remain silent.Call or encourage the victim to call for help. If you would like more information about domestic violence or to find out how you might help to end the violence, call and speak with one of our volunteers or staff.