What is domestic violence?
We define battering as either emotional,
physical, or sexual abuse. Domestic violence may be violence
against a partner, child, or elder.
How big is the problem of domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the # 1 cause of injury to women in the
United States. 4000 women are killed each year as a result
of domestic violence in our country. A woman is being abused
by her partner every 9 seconds. 1 in 3 women will be battered
sometime in her life.
Are men ever the victim?
Though men
are at times the victims of domestic violence it is reported
that in cases of physical abuse 80% of the abusers are men
and only 20% are women. Men are even less likely to report
problems of violence in the home than women are when they
are the victims. Because of this the statistics may not reflect
the full problem of abuse on men. With the increased use of
drugs such as crack and methamphetamines among women there
does seem to be an increase in women acting out in more violent
way toward partners.
Why don't women just leave an abusive
relationship?
This is probably the question most often put to those
in the domestic violence field. We sometimes wonder why the
most common question isn't why does he batter? The asking
of the question tells something about the answer. Women have
traditionally been held responsible for whatever happens in
relationships. We often are told that family members respond
to the bruises and beatings of the women with questions like,
"What did you do to make him so mad?"
If society holds the belief that the woman is responsible
for her own abuse, it is easy to see why the woman herself
may feel at blame. Women will often struggle to change to
please the abuser, or try harder to be loving, in an effort
to stop the battering.
Additionally, over time the woman's self esteem and confidence
in her own ability to survive on her own is severely diminished.
Because of the control most batters have on the victim it
becomes difficult to find a way to escape the situation. Most
victims are isolated from family and friends and often have
no emotional support systems left. A victim of domestic violence
is often in a position of having no or little access to money
within the home.
Because one of the primary underlying needs of the batterer
is to control and have power over the victim, the circumstances
of the victims' life are altered to keep her in the situation.
The fear of what he will do if she does leave is usually more
frightening even than the thought of remaining in the situation.
In fact there is some validity to this fear as more women
are killed after they leave their abusers than those who stay.
What can be done to help a person get
out of the relationship?
Be available to listen if someone asks for your help. Don't
place judgement on the person. Encourage the person to contact
a domestic violence shelter near her, or refer them to the
National Domestic Hotline # (800) 799-7233. You might recommend
books that deal with the issues of domestic violence, such
as 'Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them', by Dr.
Susan Forward. Reassure her that there is help available when
she is ready to make a change in her life. It isn't easy,
but with support from those who care and assistance from those
working in the field of domestic violence, there is a new
life, violence free available.
Your local domestic violence program has
lots of books and pamphlets they can send you. Just call and
ask!
